I almost died a month ago
\nand the world never noticed.
\nA bad day with good weather.
\nI entertained myself that day
\nwith the geography of a hospital.
\nWhere it placed its chairs and tables.
\nThe number of its rooms and spaces.
\nWhere windows were put,
\nand how much of the world
\nwas visible from its interior.<\/p>\n
I had no clue I was dying.
\nWhat does it feel like
\nto have a heart that\u2019s failing,
\nand read a magazine about cooking?
\nHave arteries almost closed.
\nIt feels like nothing.
\nA vague anxiety.
\nAs if dying was inconvenient.
\nAn ineffable nonsense,
\nhardly worth cosmic attention,
\nmetaphysical quandary.<\/p>\n
I was vaguely annoyed by my calm,
\nmy indifference,
\nthe huge denial of myself.
\nAnd then I realized
\nhow fictional my life seemed.
\nScenarios divided by day and night.
\nHow hard it was to make it important.
\nHow much pleasure there was
\nin pleasantries.
\nHow important happy endings
\njustified everything.<\/p>\n
Later,
\nafter surgery,
\nreturning to my room,
\nmy center of gravity changed.
\nIt went out to strangers
\nwho had put so much of life
\nin the skills that saved me.
\nWho did not think of me as fiction,
\nbut made a bad day good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I almost died a month ago and the world never noticed. A bad day with good weather. I entertained myself that day with the geography…<\/p>\n